How NOT To Be Parents.

A mum of my colleague passed away recently and having received the news when he was at work, i can see the grieve in him. It got me wondering whether i would feel the same way if my parents were to pass away and sadly, the answer was…no.

I am, what most people would called, an abandoned child. The first time i saw my father was when i came to Singapore when i was about 9 years old. The preceding years, since birth, i was fostered out to various nannies in Malaysia even though i was born in Singapore. I hardly saw my mum then and those childhood years, when i was fostered out, were not exactly very pleasant which is an understatement. At one foster home, I remembered being tied up and force fed chillies, all because i farted at the dinner table. At another, i was manhandled and threatened with a chopping knife, that my fingers will be chop-off if i did not own up to a theft that i did not commit. At another nanny, i was severely lashed with a leather belt whose buckle caused a deep scar in my right arm that i still carry today. Plus many more incidents that emotionally scarred me. Remember, all this took place when i was just a child and more than forty years later, the memories are still so palpable and vivid. During those tough times, i always longed for my parents to come and bring me home. So imagine how happy i was when i realised that i will be going to Singapore and meeting my dad for the first time.

But things did not turn out well even though i was with my parents in Singapore. In fact, it got worse. I do not particularly mind that i was largely left to my own devices, with dinner being just rice and baked beans while my parents are out most of the time, as i was just contented to be with them and happy that there will be no more beatings at the hands of strangers. But one day, when i was about eleven years old, none of them turn up to fetch me from my tuition teacher’s place. I waited for days without any news from them and you can imagine the fear and uncertainty in me.

I was finally brought back to my paternal grandmother’s place where i was confronted with two unpleasant realities. One, that my father actually had another wife, with three children that would become my half siblings. Two, that both my parents have flee the country as they were wanted by the police for kidnapping with their faces splattered across the local newspaper.

To cut a long story short, they were finally caught and two of my uncles, on my mother’s side, were hanged as they were found to be in possession of fire-arms with intent to kill. My mother was sentenced to 12 years imprisonment and was deported upon release as she was a permanent resident. As for my father, he was sentenced under President’s pleasure and was released in 1985, after serving 15 years.

In all those years that they were in prison, i refused to visit them as i hated them for abandoning me and in fact, if i were to somehow meet my mother in the streets today, i would not recognize her and neither would she. As i had shifted out of my first mother’s place since i was 19 years old, i was not around when my father was released in 1985 and had steadfastly refused to have any contact with them ever since.

Against this backdrop lies the reason for this post. Once we become parents, our children must be at the top of our priorities and is the reason and meaning of our lives. No children should be make to suffer the ignominy and pain of abandonment, no matter how tough times are. As for my parents, i have long since forgiven them but finds it hard to forget the pain of abandonment.

~ by 2chances on September 10, 2007.